Today I am writing this post because diabetes sucks. Burnout has arrived. I am in a slump. I am weary. I find myself aimlessly wading through my world of finger pricks and insulin, failing pumps sites and high blood sugars, sleepless nights and debilitating lows. I am tired of this disease and my numbers don't lie. I am ready for a break. A break I will never have.
The burnout and weariness is all part of this disease....like a symptom they forget to put in the handout. Diabetes is the culprit, but not the only reason I feel a little defeated. I am at the tail end of a 6 month stint of sickness and food allergies, food diaries and doctors visits. Although I find myself happy to report that I figured out what was making me so sick...I shed a little tear for the loss of more food groups and the installment of an even more restrictive diet.
A recent genetic test shows that my genes have a plan of action...one I would have never suspected...they lie there ready to ambush when I least expect....my immune system playing more tricks on me. The onset of food allergies and the dreaded news from my genetic test that I am at the highest risk possible of developing Celiac Disease. The reality that if I continue to eat gluten in any form my body will turn on itself once again. The stern recommendation from my doctor to remove all gluten from my diet from here on out or run the risk of developing Celiac...this is my new reality. New news that is hard to absorb, hard to hear.
But don't yall worry about me. Gluten hasn't been too hard to take away from my diet. I figure if this is the worst I have to deal with, I can manage.
But if you ask me to tell you the truth...I know this is not the worst. This is not likely to be the only complication I will ever face. Removing gluten is easy. Taking away nuts, soy and fish...a breeze. It's been hard having a more restrictive diet but that just pales in comparison. You see, this week the diabetes community lost 2 young souls. Two young souls who were living full lives with Diabetes, two young souls who succumbed to the complications of this horrible disease. And as I write this another struggles in the hospital fighting DKA a life threatening diabetic complication.
The reality soaks in when news of death and suffering cross my ears. A reminder that as I sit here feeling normal and healthy, in reality I am not either of those things. Sure, I am a "healthy" Type I Diabetic and I am as normal as any other woman my age...but I am still at the mercy of a disease that can so easily take a life or two...or mine.
I struggle at times with this reality. I often don't speak of these fears aloud to family and friends sometimes it makes it too real to say out loud. I share this fear with you today because I realize how lucky I am to be here typing this, how lucky I am to have support from family and friends when this disease takes its hold on my heart and mind. I share this with you today so you can take a moment to pray for the families of these young souls and all of the others who have been lost to diabetes. Pray for a healing hand and a cure. Pray for me.